What it’s like to constantly be overly emotionally invested

Emotionally invested. It’s something we hear about all the time, especially in the teaching world. We are taught that our relationships with our students are what matter more than anything. We are told that love conquers all in church. We are told to love thy neighbor. But what happens when these seemingly surface things aren’t so surface any more. I feel like I am overly emotionally invested ALL THE TIME.

What does that mean? Well essentially it means I take everything personal. It means that anytime my ability is questioned I instantly think I’m a failure. It means I assume I have done something to upset people who haven’t spoken to me in a awhile. It means sometimes I feel like I can’t do anything right. It means I constantly seek approval from others. It means I feel deep hurt for people I come in contact with. It means sometimes I am completely and utterly overwhelmed by it.

I find this happens a lot at my job. I’m a teacher (which if you didn’t know that, then catch up girl!). That means everyday I see over 120 kids. That is 120 chances to do something impactful. That also means 120 emotional deposits in a day! I won’t lie, it’s EXHAUSTING. Some days I can’t do it. I’m not ashamed to say that. I literally cannot do it. Because I have nothing left. Constantly emptying yourself is not necessarily a bad thing, but when you don’t take time refill and recharge, that’s when it becomes a bad thing. SO the days I feel like I absolutely cannot do it, I try to look for something in my day that I can cling to, a glimmer of hope, a moment of love and I hang on like hell.

One thing that I have seen in myself ever since I was a little girl is the need to feel approval. I think we all have this to extent but I think some of us have it more than others. I compare myself to a wounded puppy sometimes. It’s like you’ve kicked me when I’m down but by God I am going to keep coming back hoping I’ll get praise. Even writing this kind of makes me sick to my stomach because it’s so pathetic. And honestly I HATE IT! It is my biggest flaw and I try so very hard to change it. I’m in a season where I’m seeing it so frequently. There are people who I so want to impress and I want them to notice me, but they honestly could not care less about me or what I have to offer and instead of just saying “oh well it’s ok I don’t need them” I say ” PLEEEEEEAAAASSSEEEE LOOOOOVVVVEE MEEEE!!” UGH! I hate that! seeking approval from people who 1. don’t want to have anything to do with me and 2. suck for being like that. If you’re reading this and you think you are one of these people, please either be nice to me or tell me to get a clue and move on. I almost feel like I need to change myself to match what I think people want from me or would make them like me better. It’s something I’m probably going to have to work on for the rest of my life. It stems from insecurity with myself. I guess RuPaul says it best “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you donna love somebody else?” I don’t know Ru, I don’t know.

Or when I feel completely overwhelmed with emotions I shut them all off. I go into a dark place, it’s a place that I don’t stay for long but I do go there. It’s a place void of emotion. It’s empty. It’s lonely. It’s not pretty but it’s very real. Why am I calling attention to it? Well, my dad has always said “things have power in the dark” so, I’m shining a big old light on it! I don’t feel like I’m the only one who has this place. I think bad things can stem from this place if we let it take over, but we can’t do that. It’s so important to surround yourself with people who will reach into that place and pull you out. Those people who will speak life into you. Those people who will look at you and say “you’re not ok, and we are going to get through this together.” Those are the people that truly love you. Those people don’t care what you do, those people recognize you for you and love everything about you.

So if you take nothing else from this post take this, I’m a little crazy (we already knew this), it’s ok to be emotionally invested, it’s ok to be vulnerable, it’s ok not to be ok, but it’s not ok to stay that way. Find hope in everyday. Find good in everyday. Find kindness in everyday. And be hope, good, and kindness for someone else.

Love always

Kim

P.S. want a good song for this post.. “Who You Are” by Jesse J.

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What is it about October?

I talk a lot about being a teacher and the struggles that come with it. Today is no different. I’m going to be talking a little bit about burnout and why consistently it seems to be in October that everything seems to fall to hell. (haha get it “fall”)

My first year at the school I’m currently at was rough. It was around October that I was ready to walk into my principal’s office and slam my keys on the desk and peace out! I applied for grad school instead, and got in. Last year at this time I was trying to search for counseling jobs to hopefully change jobs in December, I didn’t. (Mainly because I couldn’t find one) And here we are at this October and it is incredibly hard to walk into work some mornings. Knowing that this is my last year teaching is definitely keeping me going. But what is it about October?! Why does everything come crashing down now? I think it’s because we are about 8 weeks in and everything is in a routine and the students are more comfortable and try and get away with more. A teacher once said to me “teaching is like child birth, you forget the awful year you had over the summer” She was right! Another teacher has said ” don’t smile before Christmas.” I was thinking about that statement today and I think it’s half true. On one hand you want your class to have order and discipline, but on the other you want your kids to actually enjoy your class.

And I love October! It’s the beginning of the greatest time of year! MY birthday (27 now…old), fall break, halloween, then we get to move into thanksgiving and Christmas! October is magical! But October is so hard. I wonder if my other teacher friends feel this way! I have talked to and seen several posts lately about how awful the day/week have gone! I think this is for everyone! SO if you see a teacher in the month of October give them a hug, a latte, a nap, a bottle of wine! All of it! Because they/we don’t get paid enough!

SO how do we combat this burnout? SELF CARE! say it with me…. SELF.CARE. one more time SELF CARE!!! I’m talking to myself on this one kids! Take care of you! In class we had to make a list of 5 things we do that are just for US! Things that don’t require intense emotions, things that only benefit yourself, things that are not stressful. I challenge you to do the same! What do you do that is just for you! Find these things and do them! and DO NOT feel guilty about them. (Well this needs to get done, and I have to be here, and I made this commitment.) It’s ok to say No! Practice, no no no no no no! Say no! You can only give so much before you have to recharge!

 

Counseling

I had another blog written and ready to go but I felt like this one needed to be written so here we go. I would also like to take this moment to once again say, this is my blog and I can say whatever I want! Let’s begin.

Today I had my monthly counseling session. I went in and talked about what is happening in my life, what I’m struggling with, what I’m having victory in…it’s my time to check in with someone who knows my journey! And trust me Sally (my counselor, name changed for privacy, but if you want to know her name you can ask me) knoooooowwwsss my journey (probably more than she ever wanted to). Sally has seen me at my best and she has seen me at my worst of worsts, sometimes it’s someone I don’t even recognize that person. I began with Sally my very first year of teaching (I highly recommend this teacher friends). As I have been transparent before, my teaching journey has been hard, really freaking hard, if I wasn’t in counseling I don’t know how I would have coped, definitely not in a healthy way. I found Sally through a local church affiliated ministry. Now, before you get all weird, I wanted a Christian counselor, but I also wanted someone who would be real with me. I know what the Bible says I don’t always need someone shoving it down my throat. Sally doesn’t do that. She knows how to delicately point me back to the truth. So I was placed with Sally. I’m not going to lie, my first session I was scared, I mean like really scared. I had had one other experience with counseling and it was AWFUL so I was nervous. We sat down and we just talked. Talked about my life, what I was struggling with, what my family was like all of it. I will never forget this one moment in our very first session, Sally looked at me at said “I’m a very blunt and to the point person, and if that doesn’t work for you, I need you to tell me right now.” It was at that moment I knew I was with the right person.

See Sally is very similar to me and knows how to read me and knows how I operate and what is going to work with me and what isn’t. Thus began my journey. I got lucky, Sally knows almost everyone in my life (seriously it’s a wonder we had never met) soI felt like she knew about the peopleI was talking about and not just how I was portraying them! That made me feel validated! She also is real with me! She isn’t perfect and she struggles to! Never once has she made me feel like an idiot or failure because of my issues! It started off with once a week, then every other week, and now I go once a month. Do I always have some life shattering event that has taken place that I need to go in and rehash? No. But it keeps me on track and I look forward to just walking into that office and saying whatever I want and knowing that, 1. she isn’t going to tell anyone and 2. she’s going to tell me how it is.

Here we are 3 years later and still going strong. MY struggle was, and still is anxiety. And it took 2 years of counseling before my counselor, my doctor, and I decided it might be time for medication.Am I ashamed of that? ummm no! Why should I be miserable because other people think it’s wrong? Not everyone needs to continue with counseling, I do. MY issue doesn’t go away, I just learn how to handle it. And sometimes I forget how to do that because I don’t trust myself to do it on my own. Also as a future counselor and LPC we are strongly encouraged to have our own counselor.

Why am I writing this now? Well today after my session I just felt really strongly compelled to post about my journey on my Facebook. Three people messaged me about it! THREE!!!! And those were just the ones brave enough to reach out! Because here is the deal mental health is NOT something that is shameful! We wouldn’t shame a person with diabetes because they take insulin (no offense to all my diabetics out there!). So why do we treat people with mental health issues like they need to hide it? It doesn’t not mean you are crazy! Quite the opposite! If you are seeking help, that makes you incredibly sane! We have got to get rid of this stigma! If you are someone who frowns upon people who seek help, or take medicine, YOU ARE THE PROBLEM, and probably need counseling more than anyone! I will not be ashamed of bettering myself, EVER.

Moral of our little bedtime story tonight, get help! Ask for help! don’t be afraid! And most importantly screw all those people who tell you that getting help means you’re crazy if just can’t “suck it up” or “handle it.” Guess what life SUCKS sometimes and we all need a little help! I’m always here! And I can recommend places to start with to get help from! DON’T BE AFRAID ASK FOR HELP! YOU ARE BRAVE, YOU ARE WONDERFUL, and YOU ARE WORTH IT!

It’s ok not to be ok. It’s not ok to stay that way.

Much love

Kim

The world

This world is in absolute chaos and disarray. Mass shootings, natural disasters, wars, you name it. Are we in the end times probably. But, the Lord hasn’t returned yet so that means we are still here for something. It’s so scary to turn on the news. Heck, it’s scary to even walk out of your house these days. Has the world always been like this and thanks to media we can see it more? Or have people lost their ever loving minds?

This world makes me sad. I look at our next generation and wish so much that they will rise up and change it. Some days I don’t see that happening other days I catch a glimpse of hope shining through, in the laugh of the kids or in that sweet moment where I see them stick up for someone. Those moments are few and far between so I really try to notice them.

It would seen that everyone in this world  is hungry for power. It is the driving force for almost everything. Take North Korea, they want to be the greatest country in the world. I really do fear for this country. Our president is not great, let’s be honest. Even if you do support him whole heartedly, even YOU cannot deny that that man has made some of the most questionable decisions. I look back at the presidential election and wonder how on earth did we get to that point. (let me be clear I was not a Hilary fan either, there was no good solution. I didn’t even want to vote…I did though so back off me!) I keep picturing the photo taken in Puerto Rico of our current president literally tossing out paper towels to needy and hurting citizens, literally just tossing it, like a basket ball! How is this ok? Did he think he was being funny? Was he trying to reach people at the back? Whatever his motivation was it looked insensitive. Some people in photo are smiling it’s true perception is sometimes reality and in this case it isn’t positive. For those of you special beings that will argue that Puerto Rico isn’t in America, open up a book! Puerto Rico is an U.S. territory! Those are our citizens! Man it just boils me! Mainly because I feel helpless!

The shooting in Las Vegas. Man, there are no words. This is not going to be a debate over gun control because there are valid arguments for both sides, what I do want to talk about is the fact that we haven’t labeled the shooter as a terrorist. WHAT?! Also I don’t know his name, I refuse to know it or even acknowledge him for it! Back to terrorism, I feel like any person, American or not, that inflicts terror is a terrorist. The actual definition of terrorist is this: “a person who uses unlawful violence and intimidation, especially against civilians, in the pursuit of political aims.” The shooter has not been labeled a terrorist because of that last section “in pursuit of political aims.” (Let me take a moment to state that this matter is still under investigation but it’s my blog and I can say what I want!!!) We have no idea what his aim was its true. This, however, goes far beyond the labeling of a criminal the definition of terrorist needs to be revised as a whole! If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it’s probably a damn duck!!!!

I look at the kids I teach every day. I look at the world around them. They are being exposed to so many different things all at once. So much violence, drugs, sexual assault, gangs, death, murder,crippling poverty, hunger, you name it I can show you a kid who has experienced it. I want them to know a better life than they do now! It starts with us! The Millennials, my generation. We hear that term and we automatically think negative. But why? Because someone in the baby boomer age can’t handle change?! The millennials have some excellent things going for us! We get to change the things the baby boomers did that have completely effected (ruined) our lives and we get to shape the next generation into something better than we were. What an incredible position to be in. Whether you are a parent, want to be a parent, never ever want to be a parents, you can change someones life.

Man what a heavy post! I know its been a while….Like seriously a while! I’m hoping to start posting once a week again! For those 4 of you who read this, one being my mother, HI MOM!! Hopefully you guys won’t give up on me and stay with me! I’m not afraid to say the things we are all thinking! You know what they say, “if you don’t have anything nice today, come sit by me!”

Kim out!

PS. Want a good song to just dance your little heart away too? Dagny – “Backbeat” You’re welcome!

 

 

Why do we seek the approval of people who don’t actually care about us?

Hey all, it’s been AWHILE since my last post. Sorry about that but ya know life happens sometimes..or Netflix sucks you into it’s black hole of abyss! (Let’s be real, that’s what happened.) But I’m back! I have something on my heart and mind today that I felt I should put down, so here we go!

Why do we seek the approval of people who don’t actually care about us?

The original title was going to be “Why do we seek the approval of selfish people? After some thought I decided that wasn’t entirely true. And here we are.

For so long I have sought the approval of people who don’t care about me. I remember all through elementary and middle school I sought the approval of the “popular” girls. And honestly they were sometimes my friends but sometimes they were horrible to me. I constantly wanted to be their friend, be liked by them, and to be, for lack of a better term, approved of.

Fast forward to high school. I sought the approval of a teacher. This teacher controlled so many things about my life. I wanted nothing more than to please and to be on the good side of this teacher. So much so that I actually let this teacher define my worth in myself! (I know I know I can hear you….What is wrong with you why would you do that, you know how special you are!) Ya I know that now, but when you are in high school and everything you do in high school is controlled by this one person you kind of start to doubt your worth. Don’t get me wrong my high school experience was beautiful and wonderful but only because I had wonderful friends and other teachers that shaped me and helped me find my way. I held on to bitterness and animosity for SO long over this one person. I actually held on to a lot of guilt with that, but I made my peace with it and with the teacher. But it goes with my point. I also suggest if you are holding on to bitterness your heart towards someone, I promise the only person it’s hurting is YOU! It’s time to let it go!

Fast forward to now! I find myself in the same situation again! Seeking approval from people who won’t accept me! I see myself falling in this habit again! I figured if I constantly find myself in this situation I wonder if others do as well. I desperately seek approval from those who don’t want to know me, or don’t think I’m good enough to know them! Which in turn makes me feel that I’m not good enough! WHAT?! that’s so ridiculous. What is wrong with me? Why do I repeatedly put my worth in what other people think of me?

Well I’ve decided that I’m not doing that anymore. I’m awesome! If people don’t want to know me or if they think I’m not good enough to know them, then their loss! I have to stop allowing other people’s opinions to rule my world and decide how I feel about myself! I can no longer allow my experiences to define me. I must define myself on what I know is true.

I am worth loving! I am worth knowing! I am enough! I am not defined by anyone else’s opinion of me! Join me in this!

When your love language its quality time.

Love languages.We hear that term A LOT! Particularly when discussing relationships. But what are they?

There are 5 love languages. They represent how an individual receives and gives love. The 5 languages are words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, gift giving, and quality time. My personal fav…quality time. For many years I thought mine was physical touch. I’m a hugger and I love to be hugged. If people come up and scratch my back I’m literally like a cat….I will purr….One night at my small group we were discussing love languages and one of the girls says to me, “You sound more like quality time is your love language.” So there we sat in the middle of Panera taking a love languages quiz online!(Because they can’t put anything on the internet that isn’t true….right?) My results surprised me! Quality time is the way to my heart. As I was reading up on it, it makes total sense. So what’s it like to have quality time as your love language? Well I’m here to tell you!

The older I get the more quality time is important to me. I crave interaction with people, not necessarily in large groups but I love to recharge with people. BUT I also need to feel like the other person wants to spend time with me as well. This is where it’s not so fun! When quality time is your love language you want/need to feel important to someone and how you feel important (at least for me) is by spending time with them! I’ve definitely touched on this, (in not so many words) in a previous blog (“From BFF to Grey Friends”) It’s pretty good…..you should check that one out too. (I mean I won’t tell you how to live your life……but……)

I started going to this gym in October. I hate to use the word “gym” because it truly is so much more than that. FitCamp 180 definitely has turned my life around (pun intended…get it…180?….no?) So what’s the point Kim…? Yes I’m finding my way there. When I joined in October I was put into a group text with 9 other girls (yes it’s a lot!) These women would change me in so many ways. When I came to Edmond, many moons ago, I had a certain friend group. Due to life circumstances I don’t have that group anymore. Through what I’m calling divine intervention I found this group. This group of women are my heroes! They are strong, beautiful and loving women, who literally want nothing more than to lift one another up! Everyone of them is so different and we are all in different seasons of our lives but some how we just mesh! They feed my love language! It seems like it has almost been once a week that at least some of us get together! Either at a workout or watching The Bachelorette or just to hang out! I feel like I matter to these women and that sends me over the moon! There is something so powerful in female friendships! These girls are my sweet little tribe/family! I love them a lot! #hopeyouarereadingthisblogladies

Yes, Kim you love your girlfriends….so what?? Well avid reader it all goes back to love language. These girls are so important to me because they feed my love language and my soul! SO why tell you this? Sometimes your particular love language SUCKS especially if no one is feeding it or you can’t show it to anyone! It is so important for you to find friends/relationships/hobbies that feed not only your soul but your love language! I still struggle with this but I’m learning! That’s what life is……a constant learning curve!

Find what feeds you!

Thanks for reading! Love and be loved!

 

When you hit a drought in the beginning….

So let’s recap here for just a moment. What have we covered in our short time together? Let’s see, education, myself, friendships, and relationships…yep that about covers it.
Well what happens when you hit a drought 6 posts into your blog, let’s find out together shall we?

When I started this I had so many ideas swirling around in my head! Several of them, I have made into posts, others are just sitting in my draft section waiting to be finished and I have a few more up in my good old noggin, but nothing of merit. Sure, I could be catty and indirectly talk about things and people that are bothering me (which I kind of do anyway…) but I get paranoid that, said person, will know it’s about them and confront me…but let’s be real those people probably aren’t reading my blog to begin with… Then there are the posts that just aren’t flowing or it’s not the right time for them. And now I find myself here….with nothing really to say….so why not write about that!!

I didn’t start this blog to gain popularity (I mean don’t get me wrong that’s really nice…) I started it as a place for me to get my thoughts out there and see if anyone else was thinking this way too. It’s a place for me to express my crazy self and humor in my own way. I would say it’s a way for me to work on my writing skills…but I’ll never been an English major so it’s all good.

So what does go in to my post process…..not a lot….well sort of. I get this idea and I put it in my phone, when I feel like it’s time to make a post I pull one of those ideas out, typically the one that I speaking to me the most in that moment or feels like the most prominent thing taking place in my life. That’s about it. I pour my little heart out and hit submit and hope it will be reciprocated or at the very least that it will find someone who needed to read the exact words that I have written. So I leave you with that! Big things are coming up so stay tuned!

What it’s like to be the only single friend in the group.

As from the title…we will be discussing singleness. (insert eye roll). I know what you’re thinking, “omg another girl complaining about singleness but like oh my gosh her time will come!” You’re half right, and the other half of that sentence makes me want to punch you in the throat (lovingly of course!)

As you know I’m currently 26 and single. I’ve been single most of my adult life! I can hear you now….”Girl, try eharmony, match, christian mingle, or even tinder! My friend, so and so, met their husband on [insert site here]” yes yes I’ve heard once I’ve heard it a thousand times! Here’s the thing though I’ve been ON ALLL OF THOSE SITES to no avail! Here’s where my struggle lies, I’m not having sex with anyone until I get married. Most of those sites, people are only looking to hook up, well if you aren’t going to hook up with them, they are no longer interested even on Christian Mingle!! It’s really messed up I know, but guess what, that’s reality!

I also hear this “Well you’re just too picky!” Really though? Am I? Is it picky to want a man who has been to college or at the very least finished high school, has their own transportation, loves Jesus, and doesn’t still live at home? If it is well then I guess I’m picky! I want someone worth my time! I cannot be more educated than you. I don’t expect my gentleman friend to have a PH.D but some college would be lovely! Also, if said gentleman has NEVER lived away from mom and dad at ALL that’s a red flag! If these requirements are too particular well then maybe that’s why I’m single!

I know that 26 really is young in the grand scheme of life. I also know that I don’t want to settle and just end up with a failed marriage. I know all of this. However, what makes it really hard is when you are one of the only single people in your group of friends. You see everyone happy and in these relationships, and while you don’t wish they didn’t have it, you do wish that it was your time to have it. You hear things all the time like “It will happen” “it happened to me when I stopped looking” “your perfect man is out there, he’s just not ready for you yet” “God is still working on him” “It will happen when you least expect it” “omg enjoy singleness, it’s the best.You’ll miss it” “you don’t need a relationship you’re awesome.” I’ve heard it ALLL and it’s beyond frustrating to hear it CONSTANTLY! I know people genuinely mean well when they say things like that but man, it makes me want to punch them in the throat! I think it’s frustrating because I know all these things but it doesn’t make in ANY easier. Obviously I don’t want to force anything or rush anything but I literally have ZERO clue where to find single men, like literally zero. My church is small and has no single men. I’m not into the bar scene (I’m too old for that crap!), everyone at my work is a female or married and everyone in my grad program is a girl! That limits things!  Also I would like to say this publicly ANYONE IS ALLOWED TO SET ME UP WITH SOMEONE YOU THINK I WOULD BE GOOD WITH! Seriously…”matchmaker matchmaker make me a match!”

I’m also nervous because I’m 26. It took my parents 10 years to have their first child! While I realize I am not my parents, what if that same thing happens to me? That means even if I got married tomorrow I wouldn’t have my first child until 36…..that’s crazy! These are just fears I have that lead to my ever growing frustration of my situation!I long to be a wife and I long to be a mom! God gives us the desires of our hearts…..well come on Big Man! (Yes, His timing is perfect, I just like my timing better!)

So what’s the purpose of this post? Well I guess one of it’s purposes is to show other people who feel hopeless in the relationship world that you’re not alone and it SUCKS but we are in this together girl/boy! The other is to put it out into the universe! I’m ready universe! Ready for a relationship. Ready to meet someone who is interested in knowing me.

I do have a back up plan though if I never meant anyone. I will be purchasing a large farm and buying LOTS of dogs! I mean lots and lots of dogs! I will have a dog farm! I will live out my days surrounded by man’s best friend! Let’s be real I still might do this even if I’m married because dogs are the best!

So here I am. Single. Lonely. Planning to buy lots of dogs. But for now I’m just living everyday one day at a time and waiting for someone to be out there

Also if anyone comments on this post any of the above mentioned comments that make me crazy….I will throat punch you….You’ve been warned!

 

Being a teacher in May…

If you’ve ever wondered what pure insanity looks like, just take a step into any school anywhere during the month of May. May is the worst month for teachers. The kids are DONE, teachers are done, everyone is just DONE. State testing has already happened and for students they reason it that since they’ve tested that there is nothing left to learn. Thankfully in my classes I am performance based. We work towards a performance date then when we reach it we can watch musicals for the rest of the year! Musicals are educational in choir! As this year ends and another s beginning I’m once again faced with the challenge to stay or to go.

I recently had a conversation with a colleague of mine that I went to college with. We were in the same program, he graduated a semester before I did. We were talking about our respective jobs and he told me how he was leaving education all together to accept another job that paid exponentially more. We were discussing just how bad education has become. We were talking about how there really is no way out of the situation we are in. What’s even more sad is the fact that several of the people I graduated college with are leaving the profession, because it’s not feasible to work full time in education and make a decent living.

Education is only going to get worse. Until the community as a whole starts valuing the profession, there will be nothing that can be done. I can’t tell you how many times someone has said to me that I shouldn’t get paid more because I get my summers off and get paid for it. Let me break down that little stereotype real quick.  No actually I don’t get paid in the summer. I get a paycheck in summer for time I’ve already worked. My 10 month salary is divided into 12 month. So essentially every month when I get paid (and yes it’s only once a month) I’m not getting paid for the full amount of time worked that month. Not to mention the hours and hours of overtime that I (like so many teachers) put in daily! There is no overtime pay in education. For example, I worked a 12 hour day yesterday and that’s not unusual. But I only got paid for my “contracted time.” You will hear so many teachers say “well my contract day ends at 3:30 so I’m not doing anything extra” these teachers are a part of the problem! They are also devaluing the profession! They are saying how students aren’t worth any extra effort! Well when you see them that way…that’s the way these kids will see you right back.

I wish I had a solution for this issue, well I do actually but no one will like it! Let’s go ahead and start cutting the politicians and public office pay. If teachers can’t get a raise, then neither should they with their 6-figure salary. Let’s start cutting the budget at the state legislature level. Let’s start electing politicians that actually care about education and will fight for it, instead of voting against it. Politicians who will actually listen to their constituents instead of pushing their own agenda. But then again politics and dishonesty go together like peanut butter and jelly… (not as tasty though.)

 

Here we are the final three days of school! Hold on tight teacher friends you are almost there. Even though Betsy Devos announced major budget cuts happening….. At this rate we will have no teachers by 2020. So sad for the kiddos of this state!

Side note: For those of you that have read/seen Harry Potter, are you noticing the incredible similarities between Umbridge and Devos? I’m just saying….

 

From BFF to Grey Friend

BFF for those of you aren’t hip on the lingo (let’s be real I’m not either!) stands for Best Friend Forever. SO what happens when a BFF loses the Forever part? That’s our topic for today!

In my life I’ve had many best friends….I think of it like a bullseye target. Visualize with me for a moment (obviously with your eyes open or you wouldn’t know what to visualize!) I’m in the center. The circle closest to me are my ride or die people, the people who are invested in my life just as much as I am theirs. Who would do anything for me and I them! Those who make a genuine effort to know me and be apart of my life! There are only a handful of people in this circle. The next circle are those people who are still close to me but who aren’t the ride or dies. The outside circle is everyone else!

Let’s talk about the circle closest to me. There are only a few people in here. I have to admit there were more some simply transitioned out because of location and getting older but some have seen fit to remove themselves…(hence the inspiration for this post.) So here we go. We will discuss these people in this circle before we move on to discussing what I will now call the Movers. Mikey: (let’s be honest that boy is pretty much in the bullseye with me.) He is my older brother. We are 3 years apart in age. Mikey and I have always been very close but as we have gotten older it hasn’t changed! He is always there to lift me up and support me (that makes him sound like a good bra!) But really he is my best friend. When he is out on the cruise ship it SUCKS! Aubrey: Next we have Aubs. Aubrey and I met between Freshman and Sophomore year. We rode the same bus. From the beginning we just clicked. We are polar opposites in most things but I think that’s why we go together. She is the match to my soul (her fiance I guess is her real soul mate….but you get it.) We’ve literally had 1 fight in our nearly 11 years of friendship and we were 16 and dumb! (We sat in my car for 2 hours crying! We worked it out though! We didn’t get out of the car until we did!) So to say that that girl knows everything about me is an understatement. There are a few other in this circle that we will talk about another time. I don’t want to bore you with sappy friend posts….yet.

Let’s talk about the movers. I think everyone in their lives have these mover friends. People that you are so incredibly close to and then one day you aren’t. Movers can be broken into 2 categories. Accidental Movers and Intentional Movers.

Accidental Movers: These are people that transition out because of just life in general. Like moving away, getting married, having kids, falling outs, just natural progressions that just happens. Typically these are the kind of people that when you meet again, you seem to pick up right where you left off. Accidental Movers move due to natural occurrences! Now Intentional Movers: These people move themselves out of your life in what seems a purposeful way or you move them out. These are people that are always busy and can never make plans with you. They’ve moved out of YOUR inner circle but you have also moved out of THEIRS. There comes a point in every friendship where you get tired of initiating everything. I (personally) need to feel valued in a relationship. If I feel like you don’t care about making it work, then I don’t. (Is that right? No. But it’s real.) It’s exhausting to constantly initiate but never get anything in return. SO one day you just stop. Its not malicious, you’re just tired.

The problem with Intentional Movers is that it can seem intentional on both sides. Both sides thinks the other has stopped caring. How do you resolve it? I don’t know. I wish I did. Person A is exhausted from always initiating, while person B is saying how they never hear from them any more, but person A no longer wants to reach out because they are always being turned down…it’s a vicious cycle. Some of these people move all the way to the outside circle! It sucks! I have no idea how to remedy it. I think it’s so hard to face because it feels personal. It feels like they no longer want to be a part of your life. You’re no longer important. I remember this being so prominent in high school! I blame social media for that.

Some days I think to myself, I should text [insert name here] but then you think “no, they should want to hang out with me.” It’s insecurity I know that. Friendships can’t feel one sided or they will fail EVERY TIME! I guess it’s a horrible combination of stubbornness, ignorance, and misunderstanding. I literally had a conversation with one of my student’s about this very thing today! She was crying because she feels like her friends don’t care about her. (Obviously she’s in middle school so it’s dramatic x10) It just goes to show that at every age people have these feelings! She said she was tired of caring for her friends more than they care for her! (This girl is me….12 years ago!)

So when your BFF ends up dropping the Best and the Forever part, are they still a friend or have they moved to an acquaintance? When you have been so close can you ever just go to “friends?” I don’t think so. For example I had a best friend and we had a falling out. (this has actually happened on 2 separate occasions with 2 separate people…anyway) When we worked through our issues it was as if my heart was so wanting to put them back into that close friend circle but my mind was like “uhhhh girl……no. DOn’t you remember what happened??” Yes mind, thank you I do. But my heart remembers every good time that we had and how much I missed that friendship. SO it’s a weird grey area….what do you call it…..less than a best friend but more than just a friend….”grey friends” I guess will work. Grey friends…..oh my grey friends!

I’ll let you know if I figure all this out!